I’d previously had a very good experience at a different Ayahusca center before coming to Hayulima. And, after going through a difficult emotional time period in my life I decided to do Ayahuasca once again, however this time at Hayulima in hopes of receiving a similar experience and benefit.

However, shortly after arriving to Halyulima I felt a noticeable uncomfortable vibe which I should have never ignored. The living facilities were nothing impressive, and there were frequent power outages, no wifi at the living quarters and the men’s showers were clogged and not draining when I arrived. But, it is understandably in the jungle and this was the least of my disappointment and dissatisfaction.

The night we did the first Ayahuasca ceremony it was made clear that the ceremony would last as long as needed if someone was still requiring assistance. I had done all the necessary fasting and preparation for the ceremony well in advance and went into the ceremony with the highest trust and positivity. However, after having what seemed to be very light visions, I asked for a very small second serving. Instead of a small serving I was given a full cup, but trusted the shaman new best. After took the second cup I had the most terrifying and horrible vision experience I could imagine. I could not get up to go purge and asked for help form the staff. However, they were so drunk on the auahuasca they weren’t able to help me to the restroom and I had to go my myself. They also didn’t have tissue to wipe the snot from my nose and I had to use the sleeves of my shirt. I was still having a hard time and experiencing persistent terrible visions and effects at the end of the ceremony. I let the shaman and staff know, but they seemed unconcerned and told me not to worry. Despite me still having difficulties they stopped the ceremony and we went back to our rooms. However I barely slept due to the terrible vision and effects that persisted through the night and next day. I told them about my concerns and they told me to just enjoy it. I don’t know how it would be possible for anyone to enjoy what I was experiencing. I told them the next day I didn’t want to take anymore medicine and of my experience and that I was even having some suicidal thoughts. They tried to tell me not to worry and that I shouldn’t be concerned about doing a second ceremony. I think considering my experience and lingering effects, this was very irresponsible of them to say and was very dismissive and almost gaslighting. Through the whole time I remained at the center I had terrible nightmares and thoughts and persistent lingering auditory and visual disturbances. I felt as if I went with some emotional problems and was left with much worse, serious deeper problems than I could’ve ever imagined. I do not feel I was giving the attention and support required for my symptoms, and that my situation was not taken seriously enough. I left the center went back home and for 5 months I had the worst nightmares, strange thoughts, suicidal thoughts, persistent visual and audio disturbance. My deepest fear of having gone crazy seemed to be a reality. Thankfully, through my faith in god and source and all that is good, I made it through those 5 months and those auditory and visual disturbances, and psychological torture finally stopped. I was surprised and disappointed that the staff didn’t see any warning signs or problems. And the lack of serious support and attention, and at times even a lack of empathy to my serious situation. At times the ceremony just felt like a group of high school kids getting high at a kickback, just to have get high and have fun. I think there was a certain level of arrogance and ignorance to this type of serious situation and that the sacredness of taking care of a suffering person’s spirit was not properly done. I used to have the upmost respect and admiration for the facilitators, shaman and this medicine system. Maybe I placed it all to high on a pedestal. After all, these are just people, with the same arrogance, ignorance, flaws, and are able to make the same mistakes as anyone else. Either way, I’m still struggling with the PTSD, burnt out somatic nervous system and memories from my experience there. I’ve never been filled with so much fear, confusion and disconnection from nature and spirit in my life. I’m still struggling to recover from it all. I have no idea what went wrong. If it was the fault of the system, the practitioners, or even some negative entity. All I know is that I’m never going to risk my sanity to go back to that place ever again. I do not think they are properly trained or prepared in the case of such a serious negative effect experienced by a guest. I regret my decision to go there and just want to forget it all happened.

My intention of this review is to hopefully provide the staff with some reflection for improvement, so that what happened to me will never happen to anyone else. I hope they are better prepared, more professional and take these type of cases more seriously in the future. And for anyone who attends to seriously think about what they are doing and not go in blindly.