Selva Madre fixed my heart, my brain, and the connection between the two… they accomplished in one week what years of western medicine and talk therapy could not. Here’s how it happened. I arrived in the Iquitos airport, when I walked out there was a driver waiting for me with my name on a sign. The ride they arranged was a comfortable car, that’s impressive, because 99.9% of the vehicle in this town are motor bikes or tuk tuks. After a short ride from the airport, I was dropped off at the river side, where I met one of the three shaman I would be working with. Luis jr. helped me with my bags, and we hopped on a river boat together. We took short 15 minute ride up the river, and he gave me a brief explanation of the area. One we arrived in his village we took a 5 minute tuk tuk ride to Selva Madre.
I arrived after lunch had been served, so after they showed me my private cabin, they made me lunch. The first ceremony began a few hours later at dark. I went to the temple, and the shaman started with singing and prayers. They blessed each dose, and handed them out to the 4 people attending the ceremony. Then they blew out the the candles in the center, everyone laid back and the room was silent for around 20 minutes. Then the chanting and singing began. The songs were beautiful and seemed to have a connection to the medicine. My first ceremony was a positive, easy experience and it felt like I got years worth of therapy in a short time, the medicine took me directly to the trauma from my childhood I needed to unpack and process, and told me exactly how to feel about it, and what lessons I should take from it.

After a refreshing nights sleep in the my jungle cabin, I woke up and headed to breakfast. The other people from the ceremony sat and talked about our experiences in an informal way, we journaled, and the cooks even turned on the wifi hotspot from their phone so I could check in with my family and let them know I made it to the retreat safely. The property has no electricity or internet otherwise. After breakfast a visit to an animal rescue facility was arranged for me, after that it was time for a healthy lunch. At nightfall, I went to the second ceremony. This experience was not as easy or as positive, as the night before, it left me confused, and frankly a little disappointed. I was wondering if I made the right decision to come here, and if the money I spent was worth it.

I woke up on day 3 still feeling a bit confused. I went to breakfast, talked about my experience, journaled, and got some much needed rest after traveling and back to back ceremonies. By lunch I was starting to have some perspective about the previous nights experience. I trusted the process even if I didn’t understand it. Today I wouldn’t have a ceremony, instead I would have a big dinner… there are no dinners served on ceremony nights, as purging is part of the process and the medicine works best on an empty stomach.

On day 4 I spoke to Luis Jr about my last experience. He explain to me that every ceremony has a different purpose, and they call on different entities to guide the medicine. The first night was for healing healing body, the second was the emotions (that explained the bad experience) and the 3rd was the most important, it was to heal the mind. At nightfall I arrived to the temple, and I asked Luis Jr if I could take a larger dose than normal, he checked my pulse and made a quick assessment, and told me yes. We went thru the normal ceremony, and when the medicine hit, it hit like a train, I saw so many spirits, that looked like cartoon characters, for lack of a better description. They were showing me things, and even though I was in a other dimension, I could think perfectly clearly, and my thoughts were not private, they were a conversation with the spirits, when I said the correct thing, the smiled and gestured in approval, when I said the wrong thing the wagged a finger, or the colors of the room would change to a dark and more sinister tone. I went through every aspect of my life that had been plaguing me for years, one bye one the spirits and I figured everything out. there were a couple things I didn’t want to do, so I tried to negotiate with the spirits, but at the end I knew in my heart, I knew what I needed to do, once I got home I would need to have tough conversations with loved ones. After I worked through everything, I sat up and the shamans came to me and chanted for me, fanning me with a bundle of leaves that they used as a musical instrument to keep the rhythm. In that moment I knew I was healed. I saw the medicine fixing my heart and mind, and the connection between the two. I could see it fixing the pieces that were missing. I felt whole again.. I can’t express the gratitude and happiness I felt in that moment. I have been looking for relief for so long.

The following morning Luis Jr picked up the group, and took us to another animal rescue, took us to see the amazon river, the local dolphin, and their sacred tree. That night was my 4th and final ceremony. I was tempted to skip it because I thought I had got everything I came for already, but again, I trusted the process, and the medicine. The head shaman Don Luis told me before the ceremony, that I would be taking a normal dose again. I was expecting a positive experience filled with happiness and gratitude… That is not what I got! Once the medicine kicked in, I only saw sinister and dark creatures. I felt gross and confused. The medicine was holding up a mirror to me and showing me how I had been living my life wrong, and how I had become a piece of shit. It was a difficult experience, I wanted it to stop. I felt an unbelievable amount of shame, and embarrassment. But I needed to experience it, so I can make the changes I want to make in my life.

The week I spent at Selva Madre was a blessing, I believe in god now, if a plant in the jungle has that much consciousness, there must be a higher conciseness than me.

I would recommend Selva Madre to anyone that is prepared for this experience, if you truly trust the process and medicine, it will show up for you. However, not everyone at the retreat shared my experience. Some people wanted it to be something it wasn’t, and they didn’t have an openness to the experience, and they had a terrible time. One other thing I will say, is if you are looking for western phycological support, this is not the place for you. Some retreats offer aspects of western therapy as well as the traditional medicine and ceremony… Selva Madre offers an authentic tribal family shamanic experience and does not incorporate any aspects of western medicine.