My Ayahuasca ‘Trip’ – Nimea Kaya, Pucallpa, Peru – Feb 2018

-Prologue-

They say that people are drawn to Ayahuasca. Like most people I discovered it via the internet and became ever the more curious.

I had three major issues to resolve. My heavy drinking habit, my inevitable career change that I had been balking at for many years and a third that will be keep private as it involves another person close to me.

I chose one of the more expensive, (but by no means the most expensive) retreats in South America to do my second sojourn with Ayahuasca. I had already been to another retreat outside Iquitos and only experienced mild psychotropic effects of the good medicine; visions of bizarre images like oil paintings reminiscent of Salvadore Dahli and Picasso, though combined. Also, visions of energy fields like swarms of winged luminescent things like small bats, cascading up and down in circles forming a barrel shape and moving around the centre of the Maloka. The physical effects were just as memorable, if not more pronounced. I was so weak and dizzy that I could barely stand up or walk. Besides the purging I had volcanic diarrhea. Seriously, I don’t know were all that shit came from; I must have shat out my total body weight. All up, that night wasn’t particularly pleasant. Nonetheless, the fellowship and experience was good.

-Nimea Kaya-

The medicine at Nimea Kaya was a lot stronger. Even the Shamans recounted, “Holy cow! That’s really strong shit!” (Forgive the rough translation).

The medicine at the first ceremony didn’t seem to do anything. I didn’t have a third dose. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I guess the rational in after thought is that if two doses didn’t work, a third wouldn’t either. Upon leaving the Maloka I said to a facilitator, “nothing”. (Take a note here). I went for a walk and pondered the stars from the water tower. I took in the tranquility among the bird and other jungle noises and then off to bed.

After the first dose during the second ceremony I experienced the similar images of weird paintings and images as had occurred a year before. As the Shaman handed me the second dose I said, “I just need the medicine”. Within seconds, whoosh, I was off! I didn’t see the serpents head but its body swiped in front of me and exploded into a wall of stars against a dark blue background. The noise, a deafening roar, was overwhelming, almost demonic as was the sensation of leaving the mortal coil. I was off into the galaxy, floating amongst the stars, weightless, bodiless in vertigo mode. The roar was the only thing I could hear, the floating stars were the only things I could see. I had no sense of being neither in the Maloka nor with anybody present or of being on planet earth at all. It was scary and I began to panic. I yelled, “No, no….bring me back, bring me down…oh god! I was terrified. I didn’t know whether I was lying down or sitting up. I just wasn’t there. Then I just breathed in like a huge vacuum cleaner, sucking up all the stars and the whole galaxy/universe. This sound was overwhelming too. A full force wheezing sound, only I was ‘hoovering’ everything in, in one deep motion. In through my huge funnel like mouth which seemed more like a portal because there was only the dimensions in front of me and I had no sense of what was behind me. Then the purge, from the very bottom of my being, accompanied by the intense roaring sound, I disgorged and sprayed the universe out with all the stars. Then again, in and out. I had no control whatsoever and it was so intense.
I was taken to the back room to get some special attention from the Shamans, (Augusto and Ercilia), as it was clearly apparent to everyone that I was having an out of body experience. (Tell me about it!).

This cycle of sucking in and heaving out the universe repeated many times and then, less frequently. I became aware that I was in the back room with the Shamans and others. Ercilia was singing an Icaros. At first it sounded distant and I was in and out of my ‘out of body experience’. The singing became louder and louder. It was like a siren calling and it got my whole attention until I was fully absorbed and enveloped by it. There was nothing but the Icaros; no vision, no real feeling, just being totally in the Icaros. To say it was beautiful to the ear, to my soul, would be an understatement. It was comforting and enchanting. It had so much energy and volume but it was peaceful, almost orgasmic, not in a sexual way and not in a euphoric way. It was just the perfect pitch. It ebbed and flowed, ebbed and flowed. I felt like I was ascending to another plane, and I was.

A vision appeared. It was light grey mist. I had the sensation of floating through this mist. There were two barely discernable human like figures ahead of me and they seemed to be at the front of an invisible boat; a canoe would be the best sense of it. The two figures were probably the Shamans or my spirit guides. As I looked left and right I saw balls of light in the distance – orbs.

When I focused on one orb at a time they would evolve into a human image, moreover, faces. Most were individuals and some where groups of people like they were sitting around a card table or on a park bench. I didn’t recognize any of the people but they were smiling and seemingly content. When I turned to look at other orbs, the previous ones (images) would turn back into orbs. As they would ‘light up’, I said telepathically to them, “Hi, just passing through”. They would nod and wave to me in recognition. I guess I was passing through the spirit world.

The sound of the Icaros heightened and the orbs went away, the Icaros went away, the spirit guides went away. There was just a light grey pristine screen taking up all my vision in front of me. Total silence, I couldn’t feel my heart beat and I couldn’t feel myself breathing – NOTHING.

After a few seconds I thought to myself, ‘how do I get back from here, I don’t even have a body’.
The two spirit guides reappeared as two darkish silhouettes and telepathically conveyed to me, ‘let’s move on’.

That’s when the facilitators lifted me up in to a sitting position and roused me.

-Epilogue-

My resistance to sobriety was pretty strong most of the year. However, after more than 30 years of drinking, I quit totally on the 14th of October and I haven’t had a drink since.

I think the Icaros cleared my mind of ‘cobwebs’ and instilled in me, acceptance and calmness. I hardly feel stressed or anxious about things anymore. You might have heard the saying, “I feel comfortable in my own skin”. Well, I know what that feels like.

My employment contract finishes next February and I am returning to Australia with a clear direction.

I have some other things to work on which is why I’m very keen to return to Nimea Kaya and further experience the powerful medicine there.

Without a shadow of a doubt I would recommend Nimea Kaya for an Ayahuasca retreat. From the authentic Shipibo Shamans to the food, accommodation, the organization, the facilitators and general (wonderful) environment, I’m sure nobody would be disappointed.

Bruce Dowdle.