Joel's Reviews

Blue Morpho Shamanic Ayahuasca & Sacred Plant Retreats

Listed in Ayahuasca

Iquitos Peru

Reviewed on February 10, 2020. #1 of 41 Reviews

We all have trauma. We all have issues that weigh us down. I don’t know your story, but mine has been brutal. I was raised in a war zone, where my father was captured at gunpoint by rebels twice. My mother was also captured once when our house was attacked by rebels. They stripped her naked and dragged her through the streets as a human shield in a gun battle. At the age of 10 I had been inside a mass grave. At 12, people tried to stab me to death for the first time. At 16, I had my first gun pulled on me with violence. As I grew older, I found myself an Army Officer and deployed to Iraq. However, the main triggering event occurred after Iraq, when I was attacked by three people in my Army (Australian Army). They forced me into a small animal cage and sexually assaulted me, filming the degrading event. It was about power and they reveled in my humiliation. This event unleashed all of the trauma from my youth. It destroyed my sense of self and place in the community. I lost my family, had multiple stays in the nut house. I became a drug addict, injecting crystal meth, sometimes into my neck. I let men have sex with me for drugs or small amounts of cash. I’m heterosexual, but was so damaged at this point that I let people do whatever they wanted to me. I was filled to the core with a profound sense of self loathing and disgust. I reached a point when I knew the greatest gift I could give my children was my death. I failed at suicide twice. Then I overdosed and was left for dead, naked and alone, by the man who gave me the drugs. Somehow I survived. And so my path led me to Blue Morpho. I was an atheist, devoid of any connection to spirit or love. Hate, rage, bitterness and anger were my song, and there was nothing I hated more than myself. I had extreme trauma which created extreme pain. I turned this back on myself, now I was the one hurting me. I took extreme action. When I arrived at Blue Morpho, tears streaming down my face, I told Christian, one of the amazing Shaman, that I needed deep healing. He supported me, and my journey with large doses of Ayahuasca began. 5 ceremonies… 6 nights. To each ceremony I brought an intense intention, an intention as extreme as my pain. I completely surrendered to the medicine, though I was afraid. I asked for love to push the darkness out. I asked for total healing. I asked to be taught how to live the rest of my life in paradise, happy, content and connected. The Shaman guided me, Ayahuasca came for me. The spirits healed me. I received a greater gift than I ever could have imagined. 5 ceremonies, and by the end of the second, I was completely healded. I arrived with a list of mental health conditions, all healed. My pain, sorrow, suffering, rage and hate all gone. By the end of the final ceremony, I realised I was a miracle and creature of love. I create beauty and spread love like the flowers of spring. Every facet of my life was transformed. I’m so grateful. So deeply deeply humbled. And so now I share this with you, because if you walk in pain, there is an answer. If you are broken, there is an answer. If you know the kind of suffering that feeds on your soul, there is an answer. I found that answer at Blue Morpho, and maybe you will too. If you would like to discuss my review, you are welcome to email me at joel@turnsail.com.

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